Don’t believe everything you think

 I have been trying to work on my anxiety and confidence recently. It’s something I have struggled with most of my life but obviously becoming paralysed has heightened these issues. I try and sweep my feelings under a carpet but sometimes you can’t forget and you are forced to face them. I am no exception. But I have come so far. A year to 10 years ago I have achieved so much and etched an imperfect life. I am slowly allowing myself freedom of being in a wheelchair. It’s something that I never thought I would say. For me being slightly content in a wheelchair was a sign of giving up my fight. But I was so wrong. I am growing by allowing myself to be free in my chair. 

My mum likes a hindsight, and I guess I do too. I like the idea of thinking back at situations and trying to talk to yourself with the amazing wisdom, only hindsight can grant. For me, there are numerous times where I wish I could go back to myself in my wheelchair crying and hating the fact that I’m in this situation. I would tell myself that it will all be ok and things will start getting better slowly. I would tell myself to keep that anger burning, as that is the grit that will keep you going and pushing you for a better life. I would say to myself that it’s good to take small steps and one day you will experience something magical in it.  In 10 years time, you will have a little girl who gets so excited seeing you in your chair and wants to push you everywhere. In years to come, you will go on your first family holiday and experience places you can add to your story. You will go out for awesome dinners with some pretty amazing people in your wheelchair. You will create so many memories good and bad to help build yourself up again.  It’s fine to disregard the chair at times, but remember this is now part of your life line. You will struggle and resent the chair in many ways, but there will be a day when you have an epiphany, this will be when you will find out how capable you are in yourself to overcome this obstacle you once thought was impossible. Sometimes you won’t feel normal being in a wheelchair out in public but define normal? Nothing is going to be simple but the beauty of the overall picture will take you on an unfamiliar path but you will keep carving through it to make you stronger. Just remember when you’re in situations where you don’t want to find yourself in, keep finding ways to paint a bigger picture. You will adapt as life changes and the confidence will slowly start growing through your soul. You will always get a daily reminder why being out in your wheelchair is a powerful healer as your little girl will always be smiling at you no matter how you are feeling.

It’s true what they say, time has a wonderful way of showing us what truly matters.