‘At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can.’

So today is the anniversary of my accident. I am the sort of person to reminisce.  Not in a self-pity or nostalgic way, I guess some may say in a reflective way.

On that day 8 years ago, I had no overwhelming feeling that something terrible was going to happen, I had no intuitive fear telling me not to go out. I had no idea, Saturday November 5th, 2011 would be the last time I would walk.

Life is crazy like that…one thing changes and all the normal boring tasks we do each day become something extra special and you spend your entire life wishing and remembering them. Things are literally just things, until you can never do them again and they become a last.

So, let’s think about a few things…if I asked you, what you did throughout your day on the 5th November 2011, would you remember? You might remember little snippets but the chances are no. But when something becomes a last, it somehow sticks and implants in your memory and hindsight makes you longingly remember things which aren’t very special at the time.

So, it began hello that day…the last day I would wake up with 22-year-old thoughts and worries. The last time I would ever feel the fabric of my clothes on my skin. The last time I would use all four limbs properly, go to the toilet like most people, brush my hair. The last time I would live a day and take it for granted.

I always wonder if I knew what was going to happen how differently I would have lived that day. Would I have woken up earlier? Moved my body more? Would I have spoken to more people?

It’s unavoidable to not think about the ‘what ifs’ but my last day as being the 22-yr old me has taught me something extremely important. It has taught me that we won’t always know when we are living our last normal day. It has taught me that however I wanted to live the 5th of November, I now need to think how I should be living THIS day. I’ve learnt to live my life through the lens of hindsight and make sure I know what I have while I have it. Life for anyone can be testing, for me it has taught me over and over that there is no rulebook for healing and no timeline it has to follow. Healing has its own agenda and will come in waves whenever it needs to. I am a lucky one. Today I was able to wake up and see my loved ones, kiss my beautiful baby, hold her, feed her, make her smile. I was able to venture out, see the beautiful world, smell the fresh air, laugh and just breathe.

In the past I have tried to figure out who the new me was, I’ve struggled to adapt to my new life but it’s only now I can see how wrong I was about living as me. I may have spent these 7 years without feeling most of my body but I’ve felt and experienced more heartache than I ever knew was possible. My intensity can sometimes can be a burden, but I’ve somehow created a life which now consists of being a family. I now wake up each day with a feeling of magic in the tiniest moments, I can see the love reflecting through my daughter’s eyes and I can appreciate every second of my time with my family. Maybe I can’t use the majority of my body or feel my legs anymore, but I can feel absolutely everything else and it’s only now since having my daughter, I realise how special that is.